


Unconventional Love

by insomnia_writer



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, M/M, Mental Health Issues, anger issues, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 07:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomnia_writer/pseuds/insomnia_writer
Summary: Sure Connor lashed out a lot. He got angry, he screamed, he disappeared for days at a time, but he did love Evan Hansen.





	Unconventional Love

**Author's Note:**

> Now, I see a lot of Treebros fics in highschool where Connor is characterized like Evan's lie, rather than the real Connor we see in the first few songs (and some of the cut ones). I can certainly imagine the real Connor and Evan getting together after they both worked on their own mental health issues and learned how to cope with their problems at least a little bit, but this fic is a view into how I see their relationship would go if neither of them did that. And note, most of this is coming from how my own mental health problems affects my relationships so... yeah.

Evan knew that Connor loved him, it’s just that the taller man lashed out sometimes. It wasn’t his fault, he had anger issues and sure that made him yell a lot and punch a lot of holes in the walls of their shared apartment, but he still loved Evan. At least that’s what Evan told himself every time Connor got into another episode. He would stand there and cry and shake and take the verbal onslaught because he knew that Connor didn’t really mean it, that the next day, his boyfriend would make him breakfast in bed and apologize profusely because “I wasn’t in my right mind and I shouldn’t have said those things”. 

Connor never did simply say “I’m sorry” though. It was always followed by another small word. “I’m sorry but you really pissed me off” “I’m sorry but I had a really bad day” “I’m sorry but there is no way you really could have expected me to not get mad”. That ‘but’ was what haunted Hansen’s life. It made everything his fault, and the worst part was that Evan really did believe that everything was his fault. But Connor really did love him. 

Evan remembers one night better than all the rest. It was two months after they moved into an apartment together and Connor was high again for the first time since high school ended. Something happened with his family (to this day Evan doesn’t know what, he is too scared to ask), and his boyfriend was livid. He stormed through the door to where Evan was working on his term paper and began to scream every possible profanity in the book. He was throwing things off the table, breaking glasses, practically shaking with rage. Evan swallowed his fear and stood up, wanting to help, but the moment he reached out a cautious hand to touch Connor’s shoulder, the oldest Murphy child snapped and then there was a loud sound and Evan was clutching his cheek and crying and he swore he could actually feel the outline of Connor’s ring embedded into his skin. It was the only time that Evan had ever been hit by the man who loves him so much. 

The next morning, they made a promise to act like it never happened. 

Some people who looked at their relationship thought Connor was abusive, but Evan swore that that wasn’t the case. You see, Connor had good nights too. There were nights where he would sweep Evan off his feet, make him feel so completely wanted. Those nights he would give nothing but beautiful praises and did his best to be gentle, because deep down, Connor did love Evan Hansen with all his heart, he just had some problems showing it.


End file.
